nadine!!!

As many of you know, Nadine Zawacki has just released her very first novel...drumroll please....Prisoner Of Circumstance!! I'm so in love with it that i am a lifetime fan of Nadine (even if she hadn't written the book i would be her fan, but because she has i have even more reason to!). I've read the first few chapters already and i can tell you right now that it is AMAZING. You can actually access it by going to the link on her blog (and facebook). This masterpiece is for anyone who loves suspense, love, sacrifice, and their amazing creator. Anyone who has not yet experienced the sheer magic of her writing or her anointing as a story teller needs to read this book!

Here i am

Wow, it has been so long since i have written... so much in me has changed, i am overwhelmed with how great God is and how all of things that i thought i was sure of, i am no longer sure of. He's moving in and my stuff no longer goes with the floor plan. Sound familiar? I feel like I'm drowning, i am in way over my head in homework and dance, and in my relationship with my Papa, God. Isn't it freeing to be able to call him Papa? mm... I just realized something really important. I thought that i was walking away from God, but it turned out that he was just pulling his robe closer and closer to his heart so that i would become closer with him. It wasn't that he was avoiding me or saying that i wasn't worth the trouble, just the opposite. Sometimes it takes someone else to tell us what is right in front of our face, sometimes it's just a change of scene. He never works against you. I have been searching all my life for a love that fills me all the way, and just recently i've realized what the void places in my heart where missing, the love of Papa. His love goes so deep that you never thought your heart went that far, or could run without it. Tell your heart to beat again, he's waiting tears in his eyes and a big lap to hold you on, spill, he cares more than you will EVER be able to know.

only he reaches the full stretch, holding nothing back

and the journey continues...
I've been discovering so much about myself, about my unforgiveness, my anxiety, my motivation, my heart. To say it's been hard would be a huge understatement. God is SO good. He's unveiled a deep passion within my heart, he's picked me up and showed me that i AM worth it, despite what the world is silently screaming in my ear. I have found that my heart is precious in his sight. He told me how he's always been there; how he's always cared about my achievements, my secret pleasures, the time i scraped my knee in kindergarten. It's unlike any love i know or will ever know. And yet I still push, not realizing that the deepest thing my heart desires is what i try to keep out.

Tenderheartedness

The importance of a tender heart;
On Sunday our dear pastors Tom and Nadine announced that the will be leaving for Texas in a few months. I was almost able to hold myself together, but, as i gave Tom a hug, i totally lost it. Lots of things where going through my mind like, "Stop crying! This is crazy, you look so stupid!" pride inevitably does that to us. I remembered then what Tom had said a couple weeks ago, to let ourselves go through the grieving process, yes that involves crying your eyes out. It may be a little embarrassing at times, (there goes pride again) but, it is incredible how much God values and treasures our tender and open hearts; hearts that haven't been totally callused to the world, to pride. Faith comes right along side a tender heart. Tender hearts do what the father is doing, they LET Him do His work in our hearts and lives. That takes incredible faith, showing our true broken selves to him. Everything that we have spent our whole life hiding, right at his feet. It is SO important to trust him in this, it doesn't matter how good you are at hiding things, you cant hide anything from him (or the people at our church, dang prophetic people!!). Keep your hearts tender. Are you up to the challenge? It won't be easy, faith and trust are a must haves here. Let's climb this mountain together.

Life's Journal Entry

Lord, show us our faults! in your mercy, don't let us blindly hurt those we love, they are so precious! Take us into a divine romance with you, no one can ever take the place of you, show me that your intimacy is more than anything i could ever experience on this earth. Lord, these are just words in my life's book, write the rest of my pages, life is nothing without them. You never pass bye, you never fail, draw me closer. Show me the new thing, don't let me settle for the old.

The Winds of Change

Why do we resist? Is it because we think our ways are better? Maybe because the way we do things are safe, comfortable, predictable. But do we enjoy the way we do things? Nothing ever can or ever will overshadow the adventure of doing what God is doing. I keep hearing the phrase in the back of my mind, "no more counting the cost". Hmm, maybe He is saying that because we are in a season where counting the cost would be detrimental to our faith. It's time to step out on a limb, no more counting the cost. Lately, i have found that God is asking me to do old things in a new way, things that i didn't do a long time ago. In his mercy he gives us a second chance. It's time for us to do, not speak.

A different dimention

I just watched "Pleasantville", and 90's movie with Reese Witherspoon and Toby Macguire. The movie is about two teenagers who are fighting over the TV remote one night. One wants to watch the "pleasantville" marathon (a 50's show where the entire world is perfect), the other a rock concert. A strange man comes to their house with a "remote" that ironicaly places them in the world of Pleasantville. Everything is in black and white, and everyone has the appearence of perfection. Things are all perfect, but the two from the real world aren't happy. No one knows anything outside of pleasantville. Until, one day, everything changes. When people start realizing that they have emotions, feelings, and strange things that make them different. Color starts showing up, the black and white gone. The people of Pleasantville didnt even know that color exhisted. The pages that had always been blank in books where now filled with words. It started me thinking that maybe there is so much more to life than we can even fathom. Color, words, a new demention... that would be so amazing! i dont know, random thoughts! i cant wait to see what God has for us in the future, so much to explore!!

Falling back again...

Sometimes, we live thinking that if we just ignore God for a while, that he wont find us again. And like the last time, He shows us that we are STILL nothing without him. As i grow older, i find myself caught up in the "now", soaking up every teenage experience that i possibly can (nothing illegal, have no fear :0) ). And in the thrill of it all, sometimes i forget what a gift it is to BE a daughter of the king; at peace, resting on his chest, breathing in His breath. You forget what a treasure it is. My life is filthy rags, and as always, i find that i have nothing in and of myself of true value but his light. God, you are SO merciful... i am constantly reminded of how important it is to have such great and mature leaders that can show me that there is SO much more to this life than the way everyone else is living it. God, make me broken. Lord, if it means that every time i fall, i fall harder, than so be it. If it brings me closer to you, i would live though anything... there is nothing sweeter

Only his love softens

when i was a child
my heart was new
clay in the hands of the potter

as i grew, my heart became firm
the clay grew harder
easily broken, easily hurt

many have held my heart of clay
many have shattered it
unaware of just how fragile it was

sometimes it is hard to trust
knowing that when i do,
my heart may break again

God, mold my heart of stone
teach me how to trust
i know now that only you can

a day in my life...

In my ever busy life, i still cant believe how peaceful God is. Lately, it seems like everything has been piling on. Cleaning, yard work, trying to look for a job, and motivating myself to exercise, whew. It makes me tired to even think about it! But, in the midst of it all, i can still find peace in God. Isn't it amazing how, even when our world is crashing down, God still remains. Peaceful, wise, and the great thing is, he loves us just as much on our bad days as he does on our good ones. And he cares deeply about how we feel. There is nothing that is too big or too small for Him. I stand in awe. The more i see of him, the more i feel totally NOT worthy. But in that place, he shows me how much he loves me.

AH! I've been tagged!

I have been tagged by "A Woman Who Is" so it looks like everyone will get to know a little more about me! be careful, you could be next... :0)

1. What I was doing 10 years ago

Well, ten years ago I was 5, so i had just started Kindergarten. My little brother Pari was 1 year old (I am so happy he is older now!) and i remember my mom being really stressed out with all four of us and my dad working nights. Whew! I feel tired just thinking about it!

2. My Favorite Snacks

popcorn
m&m's
oreos
cheesecake
ice cream
ritz crackers
cheesitz (however you spell them!)
the list is fairly endless....

3. 5 things on my to-do list today
mow the lawn
clean the RV (we are selling it)
watch Zoolander
relax and do absolutely NOTHING
get my aunts house ready for her to live in it (she's moving here to prosser on wednesday! so exciting!!!)

4. Things i would do if i was a millionaire
i would go to africa and help orphans
go to Europe!!
go shopping
help finance people's mission trips
help my family pay off debts
pay for all of my ballet tuition

5. Five Jobs I have had
baby sitting
cherry picking
orchard work (oy, never easy)
helping my mom pay bills, write checks etc...
house sitting

6. Five bad habits of mine
ignoring people if i don't want to talk to them
snorting when i laugh (ha ha)
burping in public
talking WAY too loud
eating too much!

7. Five Places I have lived
Olympia, Wa
Richland, Wa
Prosser, Wa
not quite 5!!!

8. 5 random things people don't know about me
I am in ballet, and i am about to start pointe! I'm SO excited!!
I love screamo and hardcore music (it makes me happy!)
I almost never read, so i'm a pretty slow reader
I love to sketch
blue-green is my favorite color

9. 5 CD's i'd have on a desert island
red "end of silence"
ivoryline "there came a lion"
The Afters "never going back to ok"
cool spiritual music
frank sinatra "platinum collection"

10. People I want to get to know better... yes you have been tagged!

Now, lets see who will play...

Jess

Playing in the light

Tall Vanilla Soy

Grace

Today, everything changes

Have you ever thought about that? how every day is a new day, things are never the same as they where yesterday. A while ago, Tom spoke on holding on lightly to places, people and possessions. I don't think that everyone realized that that message was not only for then, but now as well. I have recently discovered that that message is truer and wiser than i had given originally given Tom credit for. My Aunt, Uncle and two cousins are moving here next Tuesday, and it just hit me that my life will never be the same again after they move here. Sometimes letting go of things that are not so obvious or material can be hard. I was just listening to the song by red called "already over", and at one point it says, "Give it all to you, letting go of me, reaching as i fall, i know it's already over now. Nothing left to loose, loving you again! I know its already over now!" what a message. It's already over, there is nothing to loose. Give it all to him, its already over. He has it all under control...

Only in the storm

Peace
how do we understand it?
why don't we feel it?

Only when the storm comes
do we realize how much we need it

Only when the storm comes
do we understand who made it

We find ourselves running
from him who pursues

Looking for the thing that we know
will never satisfy

Only in the storm
can we find the only one who will satisfy

the river that never runs dry
all we have to do is persue