As many of you know, Nadine Zawacki has just released her very first novel...drumroll please....Prisoner Of Circumstance!! I'm so in love with it that i am a lifetime fan of Nadine (even if she hadn't written the book i would be her fan, but because she has i have even more reason to!). I've read the first few chapters already and i can tell you right now that it is AMAZING. You can actually access it by going to the link on her blog (and facebook). This masterpiece is for anyone who loves suspense, love, sacrifice, and their amazing creator. Anyone who has not yet experienced the sheer magic of her writing or her anointing as a story teller needs to read this book!
Wow, it has been so long since i have written... so much in me has changed, i am overwhelmed with how great God is and how all of things that i thought i was sure of, i am no longer sure of. He's moving in and my stuff no longer goes with the floor plan. Sound familiar? I feel like I'm drowning, i am in way over my head in homework and dance, and in my relationship with my Papa, God. Isn't it freeing to be able to call him Papa? mm... I just realized something really important. I thought that i was walking away from God, but it turned out that he was just pulling his robe closer and closer to his heart so that i would become closer with him. It wasn't that he was avoiding me or saying that i wasn't worth the trouble, just the opposite. Sometimes it takes someone else to tell us what is right in front of our face, sometimes it's just a change of scene. He never works against you. I have been searching all my life for a love that fills me all the way, and just recently i've realized what the void places in my heart where missing, the love of Papa. His love goes so deep that you never thought your heart went that far, or could run without it. Tell your heart to beat again, he's waiting tears in his eyes and a big lap to hold you on, spill, he cares more than you will EVER be able to know.
and the journey continues... I've been discovering so much about myself, about my unforgiveness, my anxiety, my motivation, my heart. To say it's been hard would be a huge understatement. God is SO good. He's unveiled a deep passion within my heart, he's picked me up and showed me that i AM worth it, despite what the world is silently screaming in my ear. I have found that my heart is precious in his sight. He told me how he's always been there; how he's always cared about my achievements, my secret pleasures, the time i scraped my knee in kindergarten. It's unlike any love i know or will ever know. And yet I still push, not realizing that the deepest thing my heart desires is what i try to keep out.
The importance of a tender heart; On Sunday our dear pastors Tom and Nadine announced that the will be leaving for Texas in a few months. I was almost able to hold myself together, but, as i gave Tom a hug, i totally lost it. Lots of things where going through my mind like, "Stop crying! This is crazy, you look so stupid!" pride inevitably does that to us. I remembered then what Tom had said a couple weeks ago, to let ourselves go through the grieving process, yes that involves crying your eyes out. It may be a little embarrassing at times, (there goes pride again) but, it is incredible how much God values and treasures our tender and open hearts; hearts that haven't been totally callused to the world, to pride. Faith comes right along side a tender heart. Tender hearts do what the father is doing, they LET Him do His work in our hearts and lives. That takes incredible faith, showing our true broken selves to him. Everything that we have spent our whole life hiding, right at his feet. It is SO important to trust him in this, it doesn't matter how good you are at hiding things, you cant hide anything from him (or the people at our church, dang prophetic people!!). Keep your hearts tender. Are you up to the challenge? It won't be easy, faith and trust are a must haves here. Let's climb this mountain together.
Lord, show us our faults! in your mercy, don't let us blindly hurt those we love, they are so precious! Take us into a divine romance with you, no one can ever take the place of you, show me that your intimacy is more than anything i could ever experience on this earth. Lord, these are just words in my life's book, write the rest of my pages, life is nothing without them. You never pass bye, you never fail, draw me closer. Show me the new thing, don't let me settle for the old.
Why do we resist? Is it because we think our ways are better? Maybe because the way we do things are safe, comfortable, predictable. But do we enjoy the way we do things? Nothing ever can or ever will overshadow the adventure of doing what God is doing. I keep hearing the phrase in the back of my mind, "no more counting the cost". Hmm, maybe He is saying that because we are in a season where counting the cost would be detrimental to our faith. It's time to step out on a limb, no more counting the cost. Lately, i have found that God is asking me to do old things in a new way, things that i didn't do a long time ago. In his mercy he gives us a second chance. It's time for us to do, not speak.
I just watched "Pleasantville", and 90's movie with Reese Witherspoon and Toby Macguire. The movie is about two teenagers who are fighting over the TV remote one night. One wants to watch the "pleasantville" marathon (a 50's show where the entire world is perfect), the other a rock concert. A strange man comes to their house with a "remote" that ironicaly places them in the world of Pleasantville. Everything is in black and white, and everyone has the appearence of perfection. Things are all perfect, but the two from the real world aren't happy. No one knows anything outside of pleasantville. Until, one day, everything changes. When people start realizing that they have emotions, feelings, and strange things that make them different. Color starts showing up, the black and white gone. The people of Pleasantville didnt even know that color exhisted. The pages that had always been blank in books where now filled with words. It started me thinking that maybe there is so much more to life than we can even fathom. Color, words, a new demention... that would be so amazing! i dont know, random thoughts! i cant wait to see what God has for us in the future, so much to explore!!
One of the biggest parts of me is a love and need for relationship. I am someone who would possibly go crazy if i was alone for a long period of time, which sometimes has its draw backs. For my relationship with God,though, it is essential because it brings me closer to him. As he has shown me dozens of times, he has designed me that way so that i will always hunger.